Electrical Impulses

Damn.

Looks like I'm gonna have to have a looooooooooong talk with that brother-in-law of mine!

For one thing, I've been meaning to call Ron all this past month, but have always had what on paper seemed like a legitimate excuse for not getting around to it. Sure, it's been extraordinarily busy lately, but I think I'm wantonly "embracing the busy" to avoid actually thinking. Like I've said, traveling to Arusha, Tanzania on October 19th eased the sombre-ness of the day. Being in Arusha, traveling back to Nairobi and prepping for the arrival of my boss here, throwing a big dinner party, recovering from said big dinner party, plunging back into work...

It's just been too easy to take another path this year: to acknowledge my sister Julie's passing, but not ruminate.

Besides, phone service in Kenya has been so lousy lately, the prospect of trying to call Ron seemed pointless, anyway. So you know how you just keep putting it off, thinking maybe tomorrow you'll find time, or get around to it, or whatevuh?

Well, damn if Ron didn't reach through the Internet and wring out all the tears I've been holding on layaway! He looked for his "sign" from Julie on October 19th, thinking it might come in the form of a rainbow or a butterfly. But she touched both of us the same way, through song. I have never heard "Electricity," from the movie "Billy Elliot," but it's perfect. You see, Julie had this electrical surge power thang going on that was spooky. She could walk into a room sometimes and lights would blink, or appliances would start acting dodgy. Shortly after she passed, several of her friends said their lights blinked, and one friend said the central heating stopped mysteriously.

Once I stopped boo-hooing over Ron's email, I focused on the lyrics. The movie is about how this kid Billy Elliot defies his father's and his community's expectations that he become a boxer, and pursues his dream of being a dancer. His impulse was so strong, it was like electricity. Ron interpreted the lyrics another way. He chose to believe that "Electricity" must have been what Julie was feeling right when she decided to let go of her earthly, pain-wracked body, and to glide into the freedom of a higher peace.

I've decided that, until I get the chance to see Julie again, it's also like deciding to keep on going, and even to thrive, without her.

Electricity
Recorded for the musical Billy Elliot, Included as a bonus track on the Peachtree Road 2005 reissue
Music: Elton John Lyrics: Lee Hall Piano and vocals: Elton John

I can't really explain it, I haven't got the words

It's a feeling that you can't control

I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are,

And at the same time something makes you whole

It's like that there's a music, playing in your ear

And I'm listening, and I'm listening, and then I disappear

And then I feel a change, like a fire deep inside

Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide

And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird

Like Electricity, electricity

Sparks inside of me, and I'm free, I'm free

It's a bit like being angry; it's a bit like being scared

Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell

It's like when you've been crying

And you're empty and you're ful

lI don't know what it is, it's hard to tell

It's like that there's some music, playing in your ear

But the music is impossible, impossible to hear

But then I feel it move me

Like a burning deep inside

Something bursting me wide open

Impossible to hide And suddenly I'm flying

Flying like a bird Like Electricity, electricity

Sparks inside of me And I'm free, I'm free

Electricity sparks inside of me

And I'm free, I'm free

Oh, I'm free