It's getting to the point where I'm mixing rainbows with sunsets these days. Every time I see one or the other, I'm always looking for a sign of some sort. Usually, I'm hoping that sign will be from my sister Julie.
Today would have been her 59th birthday, and it's the second year in a row when I haven't been able to pick up the phone and call to tell her I love her, or send her a dozen yellow roses. These days, I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about how okay I am, and how I've somehow managed to get on with my life, when there were plenty of times I couldn't imagine that possibility.
So last week during lazy evenings in the hammock or out on the Kipungani Explorer Lodge's dhow boat, I would search the sunsets for a message from Julie. It's like I wanted to see the actual words written out, "Good job, girl. Keep it up."
But I know she feels that way. I know she's still with me. Still, there are those moments. Like earlier today, when I used a James Taylor lyric as my Facebook status update:
"Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought that I'd see you baby, one more time again."
I think that's what I keep searching those fiery sunsets and those gleaming rainbows for. Just a glimpse of her sweet face, one more time again.
Happy Birthday, Winky.
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