A Very Special Day

Okay, hold onto your skulls, people, 'cause what I'm about to write is MAJOR.

Today is an overcast day in Nairobi, and it's also what would have been my sister Julie's 58th birthday. Here's the kicker.....I feel terrific.

Seriously. No foolin'. I mean, I'm getting settled here, and I really like the work I do, and my health is good, and God is GREAT, because I'm still standing.

Most of the reason I feel so good this morning is because my brother-in-law Ron sent me an e-mail saying he'd placed a dozen yellow roses on Julie's grave for me. Homey got my back, BIG TIME. But when I remember the crippling dread I felt back in early May, bracing for that first visit to Julie's grave, it's almost like that was another lifetime. That was when every minute of every day was dedicated to fueling the pain and frustration of not being able to see her, or hear her, or hug her, or tell her how much I loved her.

But for some reason, now I'm able to hang on to one very simple bottom line: Julie would not want me to spend the rest of my life grieving her loss. She'd want me to get on with it, just like she always did.

I'm not going to promise that my Inner Child will never throw another pity party again. I'm not promising there won't be days when all I want to do is just curl up in a tight ball under the covers and weep like my heart is broken.

My heart is broken. But it's also starting to mend, because that's what Julie wants.

So my beloved sister, there's no disrespect intended in the following birthday felicitation. It's just that I'm happy you're not hurting anymore, and I'm happy I'm not crippled by depression today, and I'm happy Ron's doing okay. And I'm glad you were my big sister for 46 years.

Here's a silly birthday greeting for you:

Hippo birdie 2 ewe,
Hippo birdie 2 ewe,
Hippo birdie deer Julie,
HIPPO BIRDIE 2 EWE!!!!!!

I can just SEE her rolling her eyes and shaking her head over that bit of fluff. And I can also see her smiling.