President Obama blew through his first visit to Sub Saharan Africa in grand style. It's been fascinating observing my President's historic visit from the same continent, instead of from an apartment in Washington, DC. I've eagerly watched the recaps and the highlight interviews with Anderson Cooper, but my main source of analysis has been through reactions from Kenyan columnists.
Surprisingly, many have commented in measured, temperate tones, considering that most Kenyans would have preferred he visited his father's ancestral homeland instead of Ghana. Several have suggested that personal feelings aside, their ardor is fading because Obama hasn't announced any substantive strategies for Africa. Others have criticized his comments about how his father's career was derailed by corruption, suggesting that Barack Senior's problem was more linked to wine and women than tainted bureaucracy. Still, I can sympathize with the fact that it had to sting watching him be feted in West Africa, when he's of East African descent.
Oh, who am I kidding?? A lot of Kenyans were just plain pissed. Obama's visit to Ghana had to feel like a slap in the face. But the funniest thing was Nigeria's reaction. Situated a couple of small countries away from Ghana, Nigeria's pompous potentates were miffed that THEY didn't get "The Big Visit". After all, it's the most populous African nation in the world, and a lucrative oil producer. It's also considered one of the most lawless, corrupt countries on the continent. (And frankly, I suspect President Obama didn't visit because he'd received one too many fake-assed emails from Nigerian "princesses" needing his help transferring the sum of 18 million USD to his personal account.) Anyway, one stuffed shirt politician on the BBC explained Nigerian dyspepsia using the analogy that if you're upset with your cousin, you don't go discuss it with his neighbor. You go and talk to your cousin directly.
And then it hit me. The cousin analogy was the PERFECT explanation for why President Obama is having to avoid countries like Kenya and Nigeria and Niger and Zimbabwe...sadly, the list is long. Basically, these countries, with Kenya at the top of the list, are like the President's "Play Cousin Pookie." For those of you unfamiliar with the "Play Cousin Concept," here's a quick thumbnail:
A "play cousin" is the kid who grew up in your neighborhood and started out as just a friend you hung out with occasionally. But then for a lot of reasons, like trouble in his home, or because your mother was a better cook, this kid started spending lots of time at your house. Pretty soon, he was sleeping over, and drinking up all the half powdered/half whole milk and eating more of your mama's Hamburger Helper than you did.
Pretty soon, you needed some explanation for why he was always hanging around, so you called him your "play cousin." You didn't share the same blood in your veins, but you damn sure had the same amount of Kool-Aid flowing through it. You and Pookie got into trouble together, and sometimes Pookie even took the fall for you. But then, somewhere around 10th grade, Pookie's behavior started skewing more criminal than mischievous, and by your sophomore year in college, Pookie had caught a case and was doing a dime bid in a state correctional facility.
When Pookie finally gets out, you sincerely want to be supportive. You wanna let him come over for the backyard barbecues and the graduation parties, but you can set your watch by the fact that Pookie is gon' get liquored up and "ack a puredee FOOL." He'll cuss out some older relative, or grope a young niece's friend, or spill his personal bottle of Everclear on your microfiber rug, and you'll wanna beat him like he stole from you. Which you'll eventually find out he did.
So all you can do is send Pookie love vibes, and maybe you even call him one evening to say you're concerned and you wanna help pay for rehab, but you sure as hell can't invite him to that fancy dinner party you're planning.
Basically, President Obama has been forced to pull a Play Cousin Pookie on Kenya. And I don't blame him one teensy little bit. After all, didn't most of these pompous potentates berate him when he came to visit as a Senator, for having the temerity to comment on their greed and self-interest? But now that he's the most powerful man in the free world, it's like, "Brother, come and pay obeisance to your father's homeland, and let us kill the fattest goat and proclaim a public holiday."
But see, you try and you TRY, but Pookie keeps blowin' it. For example, a few weeks ago in Nairobi, some bureaucrat ordered about 40 Mercedes limousines for President Kibaki's family and crew. When the media reported it, they were returned to the dealership, and a few sacrificial lambs lost their jobs. And today, we learned that Prime Minister Odinga is getting half million dollar renovations on his personal residence in Mombasa so that he can properly entertain guests like Kibaki gets to do. Oh, and NEXT month, Odinga moves into his new $8 million office building, because his current office isn't posh enough.
Meanwhile, the IDP's are still shivering on the floor of the Rift Valley, cholera stalks the land, and unless the rains come in Biblical proportions real soon, Nairobi will run out of water by the end of the year.
"Pookie, Pookie, Pookie. I love you, cuz, but we can't be down til you get yourself together. We'll videotape that backyard barbecue for you, though."
No comments:
Post a Comment