"And the Fake Kenyan Accent Oscar Goes To...."

I am a woman on the cusp. More and more these days, I realize I've been living here so long, it's definitely "fish or cut bait" time.

Here's a perfect example. I've resorted to hanging out of car windows to buy DVD's of recent movie releases. I'm not proud of it, it's just a fact of life. But it really sunk in yesterday as I was poking through some guy's wares in gridlock traffic, and asked if he had one of this year's Best Film Oscar Nominees, "True Grit."

"Eh?" was his puzzled response, and I hear it at least two or three times a day from various sources. Every time, I get defensive, because it's like my ability to speak clearly and articulately is being challenged. I'M SPEAKING ENGLISH, DAMMIT! English is one of the official languages over here, right??? All I want a copy of the movie, "True Grit," not the Armenian language version of "Das Boot." I gave it one more shot.

"True Grit!"

"Eh?" The furrowed brow and look of utter incomprehension only poured gasoline on an already explosive situation. It was friggin' hot in the back seat of that car, and the traffic was crawling, and I just wanted to get home. WTF is the problem??

And then I remembered.

"Ta-LOO GLEET!"

"Ahh," he replied. "It is here."

*sigh*

(Note to that handful of Kenyan readers who have once again concluded that I am a patronizing, American elitist jerk: "Get over yourselves, already!" All I'm really saying with this post is that if I stay here much longer, I need to commit to learning Kiswahili,or intonate in a way people can understand. It's not about imperialism. Don't be so tetchy.)