Baby Love

Here's a peek at the only 35-minute-old person I've ever met, Master Griffin Krumnah.

His exhausted mother agreed to let a troop of nosy journalists peek at her brand new bundle of boyhood during our Kisumu trip. I never cease to be embarrassed by how quickly reporters forget basic manners in situations like that. That poor little dude probably suffered minor burns on his delicate eyelids, from all the flashing digital cameras shoved in his face.

Anyway, I think for the first time ever, I wasn't completely reduced to babbling idiocy at the sight of a mewling lump of humanity. Throughout my entire life, I've been mesmerized by the mere concept of infancy. I mean, how cool are these totally teeny little human beings??? But now I understand that much of this fascination with babies is because I've never had one of my own. I got to "ooooooh" and "awwwwwww" at how cute and plump and wiggly and goofy they are, but the minute one of the little boogers spit up on me or dumped a load in a diaper, I handed him or her back to their parents like they were a Ziploc bag full of toxic waste.

Bottom line, babies have always been utterly delightful to me...in short bursts of time. I have zero experience caring for one for more than a few hours, and if I had, that blind adoration would probably be a bit more tempered. Verily, if it had ever transpired that an infant had issued forth from my own loins, I'd have loved him or her to bits, but that love would have had a decidely sober edge to it. It would have been laced with just the faintest whiff of bitter resentment over weeks of lost sleep, non-existent relaxation time, and drastically-reduced travel and shoe shopping opportunities.

Things happen the way they're supposed to. I believe that whole-heartedly. I would have made a really great mother....but only if I could have had all the life experiences I've had up until this very moment. They've made me who I am, which I think is a really cool, nurturing, empathetic, tolerant person. But I wouldn't BE who I am at this very moment if I'd had children. I'm pretty sure I'd still be a decent human being, but I wouldn't be who I am now. It was a trade-off, and at this point I have to say I came away with a really good deal.

Anyway, back to Master Krumnah. Without question, he was the most beautiful 35-minute-old baby I'd ever seen. But something strange happened while I was looking at him. I didn't get as gooey as I usually get when I see a teeny wriggling humanoid. Yeah, I cooed and smiled and congratulated his Mum, but I didn't feel that usual hormonal tug. I didn't feel like maybe I wanted one of my own. And astonishingly, I didn't feel sad that, realistically, I'll never crank out one of those critters myself.

And I'm really glad that happened. At this point in my life, I'm so busy battling hot flashes and insomnia, who has TIME to deal with self-inflicted emotional trauma over the loss of fertility???? I simply cannot wait to be completely rid of it. In fact, if I could find a way to siphon off my last few ounces of estrogen in the privacy of my own home, I'd shove a funnel up my whozit so quick your head would spin.

So I guess I really am okay with the fact that I will never experience pregnancy. AndI have Master Griffin Krumnah to thank for helping move me further toward peace of mind about it. After all, looking at his precious little face, and thinking about the poverty he's likely headed home to, and how grim his life will be, I realized there are a lot more important things to worry about in this world than whether I'll get to give birth.

Oh, and before any of you out there remind me, I KNOW I can still be somebody's mother. Guess what? I have the sneaking suspicion that eventually, I probably will.