I am feeling really GREAT these days! Here's proof: some of my recent Facebook status updates have been India Arie lyrics. I mean, life just doesn't get much better than feeling like you're the main character in one of her songs.....
"It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith. It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today. I've gotta step out on faith, it's time to show my faith, Procrastination had me down, but look what I have found, I found strength, courage, and wisdom. And it's been inside of me all along."
"Runnin' 'round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goal. I do this for the love of (writing), not for the glitter and gold. Got everything that I pray for, even a little more. When I asked to learn humility, guess what I was told? “It’s the little things, and the joy they bring.”
I guess part of the reason I'm feeling so good lately is obvious. Knowing that the kids at PCEA Muniu are able to have a decent lunch each day really makes me feel terrific! Just the other day, I was telling somebody that the poverty and despair here are often so overwhelming, you're tempted to buy yourself a big-assed calendar and mark off the days til the end of your stint with large red X's. There's so much that seems uncontrollable, unfixable, and hopeless, that when you find a way where you can actually make a positive impact, it is an incredible energy booster.
But I'm also thinking that generally speaking, I'm in a really good place. Not just physically, because of the Oasis of Graciousness, but mentally, and emotionally. I guess I'm just looking at the arc of my life, and where I came from, and really admiring who I am now. And I'm feeling blessed and lucky to be employed, what with all the bad news in the media sector these days. It's like I've been endowed with impeccable timing to have not only stepped out of the newsroom just before the meltdown hit, but to actually be living quite well in a foreign country during the Global Financial Crisis.
Granted, since I'm a woman, I can always find something to pick at. Fr'instance, I could stand to lose a few pounds. But then, that's also due to my being in a better place emotionally! When I feel good, I eat good. Even before heading back to the States recently, I'd noticed that my skirts and pants were starting to cut me off so bad, I would soon need major reconstructive surgery to hide the scars around my waist. Back in America, two weeks of snarfing down all the foods I can't get in Kenya left me with more junk in my trunk than I care to acknowledge. In the space of 9 months, I've gone from a size 4 to a size 10.
But there's even a hidden blessing in THAT! Except for my pooch-y stomach, I like being a bit fleshier these days! Sure, I need to work on flexibility and getting my ass to the gym, but I like almost having my pre-Gulu butt back! I like having some pretty significant cleavage on display! Although I need to check myself in that respect. The other day, while driving to Maai Mahiu to deliver the food for the PCEA Muniu kids, I bent over to get something out of my purse and one of "The Twins" damn near fell out of the low cut blouse I was wearing. I wasn't tryin' to flash nobody that day, just attempting to stay cool during a recent round of hot flashes.
Without missing a beat, the woman I was travelling with, an African American named Dawn who's married to a Kenyan, reached over and pulled my wrap across my chest. "We're not trying to see all your business today," she gently admonished.
Anyhoo, back to the main point of this post. For some amazing reason, I feel really great these days. In fact, the only thing "missing" is what my buddy Simone mentioned recently on my last night in the US, which I will restate using less crude syntax. It would be really wonderful to meet a nice man to spend large amounts of my free time with! And I'm hoping that what people have been telling me all along really is true...maybe I needed to get to where I am now emotionally, or some close approximation, before that man shows up.
Now, 0ther than the recent good "first and only" date I wrote about, there aren't a lot of prospects.....at least not in my age range. But the good news just keeps on coming, because if I was ever gonna consider the Cougar route, Africa is the place to be! For the first time in my life, I could actually afford to be a really formidable, highly-competitive Sugar Mummy!
All, right, all right, don't get your knickers in a twist, dear readers. I am NOT thinking of actively pursuing some guy young enough to be my son. But then again.....just yesterday, a young freelancer I've been working with said something profound. Rose reminds me a lot of me at age 28...or at least the me I SHOULD have been at that age. I was just as cute and slender and smart and talented as she is when I was 28, but the difference is that I didn't know it.
Anyway, while heading to an interview, Rose started talking about one of her ex-boyfriends who keeps popping up hoping for another chance at a relationship. She likes him and all, but there's just too much drama. My first instinct was to try and advise her to keep that door closed, but then I just sat and listened. I know better; you can't infuse the young with the wisdom you paid such a steep price to own. Rose has to put herself through that madness enough times before she decides on her own that it ain't worth it.
But the other half of me admired her. Rose is vivacious, and confident, and receptive. And she's certain of one thing..she just wants to have fun at this point in her life. She gets bored easily, and knows herself well enough to know that a settled routine is not for her. Not a husband, or a gaggle of kids, or a serious relationship. F-U-N, that's it. And then, like out of the blue, she said something that rang my bell big time.
"You have to be able to surprise yourself every now and then, to know you're still alive."
"CLANG!!!!"
I literally turned in my seat to look at her. Once again, I was receiving a profound message from an unlikely source. At this point at my life, when it comes to men and relationships, it's more likely than not that I'll HAVE to surprise myself if I'm gonna be successful. I mean, in all seriousness, there's an extremely high probability that I could wind up with someone younger than me. Significantly younger. At this point, there's even a chance I could wind up with an African man, something I would have flatly refused to acknowledge even being remotely possible a year ago.
All's I'm saying, y'all, is that I'm feeling so good these days, I'm seeing things a lot more clearly. My life is humming right along now, and about 3/4ths of it is really fantastic. Now, I gotta shift the focus a bit and work on "the REST of the story," as Paul Harvey used to say. And thanks to young Miss Rose, I'm starting to embrace the possibility that sometime really soon, I might wind up surprising myself in the romance department.
"More later, as this story develops....."
"It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith. It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today. I've gotta step out on faith, it's time to show my faith, Procrastination had me down, but look what I have found, I found strength, courage, and wisdom. And it's been inside of me all along."
"Runnin' 'round in circles, lost my focus, lost sight of my goal. I do this for the love of (writing), not for the glitter and gold. Got everything that I pray for, even a little more. When I asked to learn humility, guess what I was told? “It’s the little things, and the joy they bring.”
I guess part of the reason I'm feeling so good lately is obvious. Knowing that the kids at PCEA Muniu are able to have a decent lunch each day really makes me feel terrific! Just the other day, I was telling somebody that the poverty and despair here are often so overwhelming, you're tempted to buy yourself a big-assed calendar and mark off the days til the end of your stint with large red X's. There's so much that seems uncontrollable, unfixable, and hopeless, that when you find a way where you can actually make a positive impact, it is an incredible energy booster.
But I'm also thinking that generally speaking, I'm in a really good place. Not just physically, because of the Oasis of Graciousness, but mentally, and emotionally. I guess I'm just looking at the arc of my life, and where I came from, and really admiring who I am now. And I'm feeling blessed and lucky to be employed, what with all the bad news in the media sector these days. It's like I've been endowed with impeccable timing to have not only stepped out of the newsroom just before the meltdown hit, but to actually be living quite well in a foreign country during the Global Financial Crisis.
Granted, since I'm a woman, I can always find something to pick at. Fr'instance, I could stand to lose a few pounds. But then, that's also due to my being in a better place emotionally! When I feel good, I eat good. Even before heading back to the States recently, I'd noticed that my skirts and pants were starting to cut me off so bad, I would soon need major reconstructive surgery to hide the scars around my waist. Back in America, two weeks of snarfing down all the foods I can't get in Kenya left me with more junk in my trunk than I care to acknowledge. In the space of 9 months, I've gone from a size 4 to a size 10.
But there's even a hidden blessing in THAT! Except for my pooch-y stomach, I like being a bit fleshier these days! Sure, I need to work on flexibility and getting my ass to the gym, but I like almost having my pre-Gulu butt back! I like having some pretty significant cleavage on display! Although I need to check myself in that respect. The other day, while driving to Maai Mahiu to deliver the food for the PCEA Muniu kids, I bent over to get something out of my purse and one of "The Twins" damn near fell out of the low cut blouse I was wearing. I wasn't tryin' to flash nobody that day, just attempting to stay cool during a recent round of hot flashes.
Without missing a beat, the woman I was travelling with, an African American named Dawn who's married to a Kenyan, reached over and pulled my wrap across my chest. "We're not trying to see all your business today," she gently admonished.
Anyhoo, back to the main point of this post. For some amazing reason, I feel really great these days. In fact, the only thing "missing" is what my buddy Simone mentioned recently on my last night in the US, which I will restate using less crude syntax. It would be really wonderful to meet a nice man to spend large amounts of my free time with! And I'm hoping that what people have been telling me all along really is true...maybe I needed to get to where I am now emotionally, or some close approximation, before that man shows up.
Now, 0ther than the recent good "first and only" date I wrote about, there aren't a lot of prospects.....at least not in my age range. But the good news just keeps on coming, because if I was ever gonna consider the Cougar route, Africa is the place to be! For the first time in my life, I could actually afford to be a really formidable, highly-competitive Sugar Mummy!
All, right, all right, don't get your knickers in a twist, dear readers. I am NOT thinking of actively pursuing some guy young enough to be my son. But then again.....just yesterday, a young freelancer I've been working with said something profound. Rose reminds me a lot of me at age 28...or at least the me I SHOULD have been at that age. I was just as cute and slender and smart and talented as she is when I was 28, but the difference is that I didn't know it.
Anyway, while heading to an interview, Rose started talking about one of her ex-boyfriends who keeps popping up hoping for another chance at a relationship. She likes him and all, but there's just too much drama. My first instinct was to try and advise her to keep that door closed, but then I just sat and listened. I know better; you can't infuse the young with the wisdom you paid such a steep price to own. Rose has to put herself through that madness enough times before she decides on her own that it ain't worth it.
But the other half of me admired her. Rose is vivacious, and confident, and receptive. And she's certain of one thing..she just wants to have fun at this point in her life. She gets bored easily, and knows herself well enough to know that a settled routine is not for her. Not a husband, or a gaggle of kids, or a serious relationship. F-U-N, that's it. And then, like out of the blue, she said something that rang my bell big time.
"You have to be able to surprise yourself every now and then, to know you're still alive."
"CLANG!!!!"
I literally turned in my seat to look at her. Once again, I was receiving a profound message from an unlikely source. At this point at my life, when it comes to men and relationships, it's more likely than not that I'll HAVE to surprise myself if I'm gonna be successful. I mean, in all seriousness, there's an extremely high probability that I could wind up with someone younger than me. Significantly younger. At this point, there's even a chance I could wind up with an African man, something I would have flatly refused to acknowledge even being remotely possible a year ago.
All's I'm saying, y'all, is that I'm feeling so good these days, I'm seeing things a lot more clearly. My life is humming right along now, and about 3/4ths of it is really fantastic. Now, I gotta shift the focus a bit and work on "the REST of the story," as Paul Harvey used to say. And thanks to young Miss Rose, I'm starting to embrace the possibility that sometime really soon, I might wind up surprising myself in the romance department.
"More later, as this story develops....."
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