I have been in serious recovery over the past few days. I mean, I'm always constantly aware of how blessed I am to get to do so much traveling to interesting places, but jetlag just doesn't get any easier as I get older.
Of course, the fact that I celebrated my second night of being back in DC by having 4 martinis made with a lethal Peruvian brandy called Pisco didn't help much. I am still suffering from that escapade. In fact, I think I destroyed a few chromosomes as a result.
On the other hand, my joy at being back in the US is absolutely unbounded. Even with all the challenges the country faces, it is just so much more (comparably) sane and functional here. That probably sounds really elitist and Ugly American, so if you're offended by that, I'm sorry. (And you've also probably never lived in Kenya.)
Anyhoo, one of the million reasons I'm so happy to be back is that I finally got to see You Tube singing sensation Susan Boyle. Over the past few weeks, I kept noticing online stories about some Scottish singer who had never been kissed and who had absolutely astounded Simon Cowell on some British talent competition. All I knew was she was my age, and that the whole audience had pretty much written her off before she even opened her mouth, based on her appearance.
But forget about downloading You Tube in Nairobi. I mean, there's this young whippersnapper at my office who manages to do it, but I just can't make it work for me. The download itself takes ages, and then once it finally starts playing, it's so herky-jerky that I usually give up in disgust. But in the mighty, mighty District of Chocolate, in my brother's fully wired house in Northwest, downloading is instantaneous, and videos play like a dream.
I'm no different than tens of thousands of other people who have watched Susan Boyle's performance and been inspired, even moved to tears. But for me, the reasons have less to do with the "Ugly Duckling, Hidden Talent" angle. I find myself more intrigued by the juxtaposition of this woman of my "certain age"--who lives with her cats and has never been kissed, who could have descended into depression or bitterness, or allowed herself to be emotionally and/or physically abused by some despicable man just to stave off loneliness--and the lyrics she chose to perform.
Fantine - I Dreamed a Dream, Lyrics from "Les Miserables"
There was a time when men were kind
Their voices soft, their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song, And the song was exciting
There was a time, Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
I suspect there's a subconscious reason Susan Boyle chose that particular song from Les Miz. When she told the judges that she wanted to be a singing star, but had never been given the chance, she was setting them up like punks. They were expecting to be cringing soon after she started, but then all of a sudden this aesthetically-challenged, dumpy-looking woman consorts with the angels--singing a song about desperation and loneliness and bitterness. About how life had killed the dreams she dreamed.
Come on, Susan!! Don't give me that meek, eccentric British villager crap! Even through all those years of missed opportunities and snickering behind your back, and the inevitable loneliness and longing, you knew you had the GOODS, Miss Thang! You knew down to the tip of your toes that you had enormous talent, that you were just as good or even better than three fourths of the people you watched on TV or in movies. You may have had your moments of doubt, but somehow, you KNEW.
And you also knew that belting out that particular song, while people were still reeling from shock and trying to comprehend the astonishing talent of a woman who appeared to literally embody the lyrics, would take your performance from good to mind-boggling.
Personally, I think Susan Boyle also embodies the beauty of growing older. If you do it right, you realize that as long as there's still breath in your body, and as long as God gives you the strength to function, and as long as you believe in yourself, there are no storms that you can't weather. So even though my 47 year old body has been giving me the blues the past few days, by tomorrow afternoon, I'll feel myself again, and be ready to make the most of my time back in my beloved America.
(And I'll also be ready for a few more Pisco martinis, because there are some cautionary things that even when you know them, you should just give it a freakin' rest and enjoy yourself, for crying out loud! In other words, when you're a grown-assed woman, you can handle yo' bizness!)
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