Dark and Lovely

For me, the concept of “Must See TV” ended when Mary Tyler Moore and Carol Burnett ended their weekly series on CBS. Since then, about the only show I ever turned down invitations to stay at home and watch was “Six Feet Under.” That probably gives you way too much insight into the inner workings of my psyche, but it’s true.

During the past decade, I’ve managed to resist the crack-ish Reality TV craze for the most part, caving only during the early episodes of “American Idol” each year. Watching delusional people croak and writhe for the world to see is comedy gold! But I am proud to say I’ve never seen a single minute of “Lost,” “Grey’s Anatomy” or “24.”

So why did I risk getting a speeding ticket trying to get home in time to watch “The View” this morning? Because I’d heard some radio talk show host mention that Michelle Obama would be co-hosting today. Trust me, I am not a regular viewer; I’ve only watched excerpts from that show about a dozen times, usually when somebody was having a meltdown or when Baba Wawa was strapping on her steel-toed bitch boots to kick a little co-host butt. There’s one sexist stereotype I proudly embrace in my pre-menopausal phase….I love me some estrogen-fueled TV!

I’ve actually watched more segments of “The View” than usual since Whoopi Goldberg joined the show. I have such a love/ambivalence relationship with my girl, the Whoopster, possibly stemming from something she was supposed to have said back in the day. When asked if she considered herself an African American, Whoopi allegedly condemned the term, arguing that nobody in her family had ever lived in Africa. I remember reading that and thinking, “Girl, that’s just crazy talk! And it’s flat out wrong, because even though it may have been about 5 or 6 generations back, SOMEBODY from your family DID come from Africa! Why deny it?”

I’ve written about this before, but it always astounds me when some black folk reject the term African American. I mean, Jewish Americans, Italian Americans, Asian Americans, Hispanic Americans….ALL of those groups seem to embrace those descriptors. Or at the very least, they don’t cringe and protest when it’s used. Maybe it’s because I’ve traveled to Africa so much during the past 5 years, but I have seen myself and my family and friends so often in the faces of people in Ghana and Nigeria and Uganda that it would be impossible for me to NOT think of myself as African American.

Anyway, who even knows if Whoopi really said it to begin with? I certainly don’t want to be dismissed as a mere hater for holding it against a woman as talented and accomplished--and funny as hell--as Whoopi is. Besides, watching her interact with Michelle Obama was really heartwarming. Both she and co-host Sherri Shepherd were absolutely beaming with pride, in a way I’m not even sure Joy or Barbara (and certainly not Elizabeth!!!) could understand.

Whoopi did a wonderful job of voicing that feeling when she thanked Michelle for being so beautiful and smart and funny. And girlfriend spoke truth to power when she said that usually when a black woman is on TV, she has about 4 teeth, and her hair is standing all over her head, and she’s talking about how some gang banger shot the neighbor’s kid.

Now, of course she was exaggerating, wildly, even. But Whoopi took it even further when she said she was thrilled to see Michelle Obama so front and center because she was a brown-skinned black woman. A deep chocolate sistuh. Just out there talking the talk, bold and bad and beautiful, toned and taut, in all her chestnut-colored glory.

Come on now, y’all know what I’m talking about! Don’t make me preach a sermon up in here! After all, so many African American men who reach the heights of prominence often wind up with a mate who is NOT African American. Or if she is, she has long hair, green eyes and café-au lait colored skin. She’s referred to as “exotic,” or “multi-ethnic,” or “bi-racial,” but she usually ain’t “get down brown.”

I’m just saying, y’all. Don’t kill the messenger. You know I’m telling the truth.

Watching the conversation, I had to admit I’m just as proud and impressed by Michelle Obama for the same reason. Okay, now I can confess…..watching Barack Obama give his incredible speech during the 2004 Democratic convention, I braced myself for the obligatory close-up of him and his wife at the end, because I totally, TOTALLY expected her to be white. When the camera finally caught the scene, I remember gasping, “I can’t believe it…he’s married to a chocolate sister!”

I hope nobody out there is getting their feelings hurt reading this. I have too many dear white and light-skinned African American female friends out there who would snatch me bald-headed if I ever tried to jump out of some racist box. I’m not trying to say I’m glad Barack didn’t marry a white woman, or a light-skinned African American woman. Nor am I trying to suggest that Michelle is far superior BECAUSE she’s darker-skinned. (Although they didn’t come up with the saying “The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice” for nothin’, people.)

I’m just saying that in the midst of this profoundly historic presidential campaign, when America is trying to stage one big-assed karmic intervention on itself because of the racial psychosis that’s been an undeniable part of our history, I believe the prospect of a beautiful, articulate (yes, I said it…even though I always bristle a bit when people praise ME for being articulate…like that’s some freakish anomaly), charming, funny, gracious, intellectual STRONG BLACK WOMAN as First Lady of the United States is possibly the most amazing thought my brain has ever harbored.

Quite a few times in my life, whenever some leering stranger was trying to pay me a compliment, it was usually accompanied by the phrase, “dark and lovely.” I can’t deny there were a few times when I wondered why the dude needed to make a point of noting my dark skin. “Can’t I just be lovely, dammit????” Obviously, I got over that brief annoyance. At 46, melanin is my dearest friend. I enjoy being able to say, quite often, “Black don’t crack!” I AM dark and lovely….and so is Michelle Obama, and so many other African American women who finally get to have their own high profile role-model who isn’t shaking her ass in front of a camera or crackin’ wise on some sitcom.

Naturally, this makes my imminent departure from these halcyon shores more than little bittersweet. There have been moments when I've actually agonized at the thought of being 6,000 miles away when/if American history is made in the most dramatic way possible this November.

But I'm comforted by imagining how hard I will be partying in Nairobi if that historic moment happens. I’m gonna be getting my groove on so hard, I swear, I will need a hip replacement after trying to keep up with the non-stop dancing in the streets. So I guess I’m covered whether I’m here or in the Motherland.

BLOGORIAL NOTE: This is NOT a political endorsement. I am NOT in any way, shape or form suggesting that I support His Righteousness, Soul Brother Number One Obama for President. Ooops, I mean…ummm......

Oh, never mind!