The Breakthrough

A few weeks ago, I think I the Universe sent me the first sentence for my long-debated memoir. Here it is:

"I woke up from a dream that I was dating Arnold Schwarzenegger the morning after the night they blew up the Mississippi River levee in Cairo, Illinois, and two days after Osama Bin Laden was killed."

You'd wanna keep reading a book that started like that, wouldn't you????

That's my way of explaining one of the OTHER major reasons I lost my blog-writing mojo: I was worried sick about flooding in the Midwest, and the possibility that my hometown would get swept off the map. I probably would have written a lot of really brilliant postings if I'd been able to harness the emotions swirling through my brain, but I was just too busy and too angst-ridden.

But I can recall how absolutely skeeved-out I was after waking up from the Schwarzenegger dream. I was all, like, "WTF was THAT about??" Actually, I've figured it out by now. I was flipping past my paltry DSTV channels at home one Saturday afternoon and stumbled across the brainless "comedy" with Arnie and Danny Devito, "Twins." Now, I've never been attracted to Arnold on any level, but I had to admit the scene of him warbling the song "Yakety-Yak" while wearing only a bath towel kinda worked for me. Normally, I think most body builders look like they're suffering from terminal anaphylactic shock with all those grotesque bulges, but Arnie was looking kinda hot in that scene.

Anyway, that must have fueled the dream. And it was quite PG rated, at least what I can remember of it. But the fact that I had been so obsessed with following details from Cairo, and that the whole world was buzzing with news about Osama Bin Laden, made it seem kinda weird that I'd dream about being Arnie's girlfriend. And it was even more disturbing to hear a week or so later that he and Maria Shriver had announced their separation. But I was happy for her, because Maria really needs to cut ties with negativity and embrace life in her Golden Age years, and stop being "The Good Wife" to a 'roid-fueled, ass-grabbing megalomaniac.

Strap yourself in, dear readers. When my Muse finally reappears, watch out.