Resolution Review....

See, the thing about New Year's Resolutions is that you almost ALWAYS wind up eating a big-assed helping of crow after you've made them. Most people never lose those 20 pounds, or remember all their friends' birthdays or stop smoking or drinking so much.

Take me, for instance. If I had truly "embraced my fate in 2008," I would not have been so completely deflated after seeing the love story of Herman Rosenblat and Roma Radzicki on TV this Christmas Eve.

(NOTE TO SELF: STOP watching those blasted, sappy reruns of "Beyond Chance," hosted by Melissa Etheridge! Not only is the show, like, 10 years old, but it's completely calculated emotional manipulation. Most of the segments are about astounding medical mysteries that get solved, or once in a lifetime coincidences that reunite adoptees with their birth parents, or corny stuff like that. But they also manage to squeeze in at least one incredible "Love Against the Odds" tale on each episode.)

This time, the story of how Herman met Roma, how fate separated them, and then brought them back together, left me feeling like three day old romantic leftovers. Here's the deal--Herman met Rosa when he was a teenager in a concentration camp 60 years ago. Right before their fateful meeting, Herman had a dream where his mother, who had already been murdered by the Nazis, said she would send him an angel.

One day, a girl appeared near the fence at the concentration camp. Their eyes met, and their spirits connected. She passed Herman apples and bread each day through the barb wire fence, which helped keep him alive for seven months. But then one day, Herman learned he was being transferred to another camp, so he told the girl to stop coming.

Herman survived the camps and wound up living in New York. He dated often, even got engaged a few times, but never married. Then a friend set him up on a blind date with a charming, dark-haired girl. They got to talking, and at one point shared their experiences of growing up during World War II. The girl mentioned a boy she had known in a concentration camp near her village.....and how she had passed him food each day through a barbed wire fence.......

Talk about your one in a trillion odds! Talk about your mother "sending you an angel." Talk about a love beyond all reason. And talk about why the hell my karma must be so fucked that the Universe won't even throw me a relationship bone, no less my heaven-sent savior and lifelong soulmate.

Trust me, I wanted to be happy for Herman and Roma. The story was immensely touching, heartwarming and even inspiring. I actually pondered it a lot, while curled in the fetal position on my astonishingly uncomfortable couch on Christmas Eve.

I just wish I'd known at the time that it was a bald-faced lie.

Yesterday, I noticed the wire story where Herman's publisher admitted the story is fake, before a book about the romance was scheduled to be released.Ironically, Herman probably could have taken that lie to his grave, if he hadn't been invited to tell the tale on the "Oprah Winfrey Show." Oprah was so touched, she invited him back on the show again. That led to the book contract....and that led to the eventual unmasking of the romantic legend to beat all romantic legends.

Anyway, here's how it relates to me and my 2008 resolution relapse. If I had fully embraced my fate in 2008, would I be so gut-punched every time I see a couple in love, or hear a touching story about an enduring romance? I mean, why can't I just accept my single status without this gnawing sense of regret and raw, bitter envy of other peoples' relationship happiness?

It's definitely something to ponder while settling on my 2009 motto. Now,
I'm incredibly grateful for one whole year without a single funeral in it, so in that respect, I've managed to manouever through the twists and turns of 2008 quite successfully. But the thing is, if I'm honest with myself, I really haven't embraced Fate. Maybe I've given it a couple of quick air kisses on the cheek. Maybe I've draped and arm across its shoulder for a half-hearted hug. But I can't really say I've given Fate a full-fledged, all-encompassing embrace.

Look at it this way....all the evidence points to Fate having pointed His/Her fickle finger at me and said,

"Look, girlfriend, here's the deal. You've had an amazing life by anybody's standard. You've traveled the world, had your writing published nationwide, been a national broadcaster...you've achieved an inordinate level of career success.

"But there's just some stuff that ain't ever gonna happen for you. You aren't going to be anybody's mother, and you probably won't get married. Hell, you may not even date too much anymore, because you're too set in your ways, too picky, too self-centered and too impatient.

"On the other hand, you WILL continue to have an astoundingly adventurous life. I'm talking off the charts amazing. You know, like the Chinese curse..."May you live an interesting life...."

"That's YOU, Rachel. You just don't get anything else, so get over it, okay?"

I mean, why the hell would I want to hug somebody who delivered news like that???

Besides, I just can't accept that edict! I think that's part of what's had me so emotionally jammed up lately. I keep waiting for this magic awareness that will make me really calm about being single--and possibly staying that way. I keep waiting for the moment when I'll see a couple holding hands and NOT hear the tinny screech of "RELATIONSHIP REJECT!!!!" in the recesses of my brain.

I keep waiting for some peace of mind.