It's a Groove Thang.....

You know when you're "in the zone"--and when you couldn't find it with a GPS tracker strapped to your butt.

I just have NOT been feelin' my zone lately, and there's no sense in dancing around why that may be the case. It's inescapable...October 19th will be one year since Julie died.

Don't worry....I'm not going to use every post until that day to explore my roiling psyche for every twitch, tremor and trauma related to that ominous memorial. There's a lot of stuff I simply couldn't share even if I wanted to. Besides, I can't help being mindful of the dreaded phenomenon of "oversharing".....even though I've probably been guilty of it about a million times since I started writing this blog.

But if I tried to plumb the depths of what I'm feeling around the one year mark of Julie's passage, it would probably lead to a long term journey on that train to Nowheresville, via Fetal Position on Cramped, Uncomfortable Couch Junction.

I've been through waaaaay too much in the past 11 months alone to deliberately take myself out of the game by surrendering to that temptation. Besides, I keep visualizing Julie saying, "Stop whining and get on with it.....there's no time to waste."

She's right, you know. In so many, many ways, it is time for "Rachella to Get Her Groove Back." Paralyzing grief will NOT help accomplish that. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt AND the commemorative mug to prove it.

I'll also be 47 next month. Three years from the BIG 5-0. And when I marked my birthday at Carbondale Memorial Hospital last year, I finally accepted the fact that Julie wouldn't be around to celebrate my birthday this year. But I never would have dreamed I'd be turning 47 in Nairobi.

My life is ceaselessly amazing. It's just really cool how I manage to wind up doing interesting stuff in interesting places, on my own terms and in my own way. It's time I started celebrating that about myself. It's time to "get this party started right," as far as I'm concerned. I am one seriously grown-assed woman who has schlepped through the Valley of the Shadow of Death far too much lately.

Time to move on. Time to get my groove on.